I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
