i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
