Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
