my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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