He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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