I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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