We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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