Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
