My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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