The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
