True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
