We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
