there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
