My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
