this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
