ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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