A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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