Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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