The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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