yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
