It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
