I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
