Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
