so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
