You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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