I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
