peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
