so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
