That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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