You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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