You really coming over, don't trick.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
