there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
