I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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