it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
