we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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