You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
