i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Semen is not good for contacts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
