guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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