Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
