Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
