Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
nutella sex= disaster
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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