Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
