Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
