i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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