her vagine was all disorganized.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
