So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
