Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
