just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
