I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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