So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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