Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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